Ugh. I'm one of those people who is unsettled if I am not growing... But of course, the process of growing can certainly be unsettling as well! After a season of dryness, I am currently undergoing some spiritual remodeling and my Contractor has made me aware of some areas that are going to need more work than I originally thought... Thankfully, His budget, time, and energy doesn't run out and He's willing to invest whatever it takes to complete what He started in this little project...
Of course, as in many remodel projects, I do not always see eye to eye with my Contractor. I choose Him because He's the best at what he does and then I try to tell Him how to do His job. Pathetic, I know. What I want doesn't always line up with His vision of how things ought to be and there is the battle of wills. There is His will, and then there is mine. The problem is, whenever I insist on things being done a certain way (even though
He's the professional), it never turns out right and we end up having to start the whole project over again, which of course was a waste of my energy. Thank goodness He's patient. When will I ever learn?
I am always reading personal growth-y type books and right now I am struggling my way through
Crazy Love, by Francis Chan. By struggling, I mean I love it and hate it at the same time... Let me see if I can show you what I mean. In this book, Chan quotes another author, John Piper, in his book "
God is the Gospel":
"The critical question for our generation- and for every generation- is this: If you could have heaven, with no sickness, and with all the friends you ever had on earth, and all the food you ever liked, and all the leisure activities you ever enjoyed, and all the natural beauties you ever saw, all the physical pleasures you ever tasted and no human conflict or any natural disasters, could you be satisfied with heaven, if Christ was not there?"
Now, maybe your insides are not as ugly as mine. I sincerely hope not. But when I read that, I could sense a demolition coming and an immediate need to reconstruct what I thought was a solid foundation! I had to pause (as I've had to do many times with this book) and take a long hard look at myself. What
are my priorities?All of the above mentioned things
are important to me. But, after really thinking about it, they really have become the foundation of my American life. But where does my love for my Jesus fit into all of it? This house was supposed to be built upon a Rock.
Yes, I thank Him for all of these things. I share my gratitude at the dinner table and at bedtime prayers with the kids and when the perfect parking spot opens up for me. Yes, I read my Bible nearly every morning. But the actual investment into my relationship? With Christ? I hate to admit it, but sometimes I think I forget He's in the Bible I'm reading and the prayers I'm saying. Routine has become an enemy to the intimacy I am so longing for! The worst part?
I didn't even realize it was happening. Well, enough of that.
So, that's the reason for the current project. I am
still under construction. I'm looking forward to the end result and spending LOTS of QUALITY time with my Contractor. I'm going to try very hard not to try to take over. Anything worth doing, is worth doing right... Right?
